So, I read an article that triggered some emotions in me that I really try to bury a few weeks ago while I was struggling with a concept: dating.
I know, I know… Dating is supposed to be fun and to pass time and if it leads to something, then it leads to something right? Wrong!
As a Christian and a truly God-fearing woman, I firmly believe that when you are a mature adult who wants to serve God with everything you have – that IF you date, it should be for a purpose. I also feel like as a woman who has children who were the product of a marriage that ended in divorce – I MUST date with a purpose for my children’s sake. I won’t bring any man into their lives in a formal way aside from friendship; unless I have expectations that we could work toward marriage.
But all in the same breath – I feel something totally different… THIS: It is essentially HARD for the human (carnal) aspects of me to be interested in dating or relationships since becoming a divorced mother of two! I’m scared and actually still want it at the same time. Go figure… I’m afraid of the consequences of closeness – that fear that if I am 100% me; vulnerable and emotionally available so much so that I am willing to feel all of my feelings and be rooted in reality – that I will allow a man I really like to get close enough to me that it might hurt if they leave me, disappoint me, criticize me, argue/fight with me OR reject me…
So, what’s a woman to do? Well… I’m glad you asked. My Pastor had a moving message this past weekend that gives me pause to reevaluate my dependence on my human aspects and rather Trust in God and my spiritual closeness to Him. Funny thing is – my Pastor actually mentioned how we refrain from dating or letting people get close to us out of fear and worrying about something or someone from our past that hurt us because we loved and lost.
So, it turns out that I am clearly and evidently exhibiting the symptoms of worry. Those symptoms start out small and become great over time. This large part of who I am post-divorce is a direct correlation to my worrying about everything I just wrote about my fears of a relationship. Dating leads to relationships, so this is essentially why I won’t date. And when I did, I found red flags in EVERY man I went out with. This is the result of two things: a. I look for red flags so that I can run when I see them (yeah I know, I know) b. I know these are real red flags that are deal breakers for marriage like being unequally yoked. Then I met a guy whom I couldn’t find a red flag in so I vowed to keep him at a distance too…
I’m now at a place where I NOW give myself inner peace and peace in whomever God may send my way because of scripture. So, I WILL date happily but with purpose…
2 Corinthians 6:14 “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between the Christ and Belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?
Ephesians 5:17-21 “Speak to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord; always giving thanks to God the Father for all things, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ; being subject to one another out of reverence for Christ.” This said of husbands and wives...
Anyone else experience the same lately? Or is is just me...
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